Friday, May 11, 2012

Pressure

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I put so much pressure on myself to get things done, to get things right. And then I beat myself up so so much when things don't work out the way I had planned.

I have talked a lot lately about how I am just not coping with things. I do good at hiding it from those around me though. B has no idea just how far I have slid...

The unknown of everything around me is just doing my head in. I went to the doctors the other day to have a chat about my PCOS and the possibility of try to conceive sooner rather than later. We discussed my options and have scaled back some of the medication and am going to cease the pill in the next few months. But I am scared that the scaling back of the other medication is going to make my symptoms worse. I had really bad cystic acne a few months ago, it was painful and humiliating. I am scared that it is going to come back.

One of the reasons that I have been hiding my fears and just how much I am not coping from B is because he was hesitant to have another child because of my post natal depression. He never wants me to go back to the place that I was in. And I don't either...

There is a lot I can't talk about here, it involves other people. And that makes it hard for me too. There I things I need to say, but I can't. Things I want to say, but I worry about how others will perceive them.

You can probably tell from this post that I can't get my head straight, because my words probably don't make much sense. But as I type this I am starting to see what I need to do and where I need to go to from here.


7 comments :

  1. Sorry you are struggling so...I had post partum depression myself and it is rough!
    Hoping you can come to some sort of a peaceful resolution.

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  2. Dear Amy, I'm sorry you are in this place, but glad you can come here to let it out and help you get your head around it. I'm sorry I haven't been to visit the blog lately either. I'm trying to get my head around some things too and have become a sporadic reader and commenter of late. There is so much pressure in our lives. Just deal with what you need to, one step at a time. Hugs x

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Laney, I have been slack on visiting and commenting too.

      Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comment

      Amy x

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  3. Hey Amy, I'm kind of wordless too.
    Life just doesn't seem to be easy at all does it? I hope you can get some peace soon. Xxx

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