Tuesday, April 17, 2012

So I want to be a 50's housewife...



You might remember my D-day post a few weeks ago, and if you don't it was simply about the fact that I had to make a decision as to what I am going to do work wise. Well I tried to discuss and negotiate my return to work with them yesterday (it was probably our 4th discussion because they hadn't offered me anything at all) Anyway it did not go well and I ended up coming home and crying (it is what I do when I get angry...)

I wanted to be able to work around the kids schooling hours so that I could be home and available to the kids most of the time. I wanted to have to only have to find care for Ethan and not Ethan and Mahli...

I want time to actually have a clean and organised house without loosing huge amounts of sleep. Because even with just two children and working full time before Ethan's birth I was always tired and run down while trying to stay on top of things.

Really I would like to be able to stay home full time, but I can't.  I want time to sew, knit and create too, but I can't.

I want to be able to go to school assemblies and performances. I want to be there for sports days, and when Ethan is older I want to be able to help out in their classes. If I was working the hours I previously was I just wouldn't be able to do that.

Part of this is because my mother wasn't able to do that for us. She worked from a long as I can remember. When I was little it was okay because she worked for my grandparents in the family business, but they sold up and moved when I was 9. I used to get myself ready in the morning along with my brother and we would go off school by ourselves and then come home to an empty house. We would only be home by ourselves for an hour, but still we came home to an empty house.

I don't begrudge my Mum for that. She had to work so that we could have all the things that we did. But I don't want that for my kids. I want to be accessible to them.

I want to put aside any thoughts for a career for the foreseeable future.

I just want to be a home maker and do all that it entails. I just feel like that is the right thing for us and me in particular at this point in time. If only I actually could.

I am linking up with Jess for IBOT


29 comments :

  1. I want to be a 50's housewife too :) We're still trying to work out the best options for our family with regards to my work (I work mainly night shift). I'm studying at the moment, to aim towards a better family life balance, but the night shifts are killing me!

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    1. Oh night shifts must be hard Debbie. My husband is a shift worker, well up until 2 months ago he was but he is in a relief position at the moment that is all day work and the kids are loving that he is home every night.

      We don't know what is happening with his work at the moment so that is making it so much harder for me.

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  2. It's strange, I've been motivated and validated by paid work for as long as I can remember. Lately though, I've been frustrated by the home & life things that are getting left behind because of my paid employment.

    My husband is in the middle of switching jobs and part of that might include me being at home full-time. Which is what I want, but I'm also scared- for the first time in my life I won't be working! Can I really handle it?

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    1. I am the same Amy, I had the option of taking on a new role when I went back at a higher-sih level, but I just couldn't do it. It is the first time I haven't even considered something like that.

      We are in the same situation here in regards to my husbands job, he was promoted two months ago but his role and roster might be changing again, that is making my decision and chooses harder. If it does go one way I might just be able to get my wish. But I too don't know how I will handle it.

      I think I do resign I will start to study again.

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  3. Hate that heartbreaking look on their little face when you say you can't go to their special event. Good luck with finding a job that allows you to do both, without wearing yourself out. I'm sure they're out there!

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  4. I had to make this decision at the start of this year too - my maternity leave finishes in July. I have decided not to return to work, for many of the reasons you mentioned. I want to be able to do reading groups at school next year & go to sports carnivals etc. I would really like to be able to get most of the housework etc done during the day, so that when the rest of the family are home, we can actually spend time together :) (I grew up in a home where both parents worked full-time & it was always so busy getting stuff done on weekends!).

    I know I am in a fortunate position where I can choose (mainly because we've chosen to live in a smaller house in a less expensive area) - but in some ways my freedom made the decision harder! I have had people question my decision - people who think I am foolish for not returning to work, not keeping my job at a school I like.

    I hope you find a way to do what you feel works for your family :) Work/family can be such a hard juggle!

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    1. Thanks Erin, It can be hard, and outside judgement is playing on my too.

      Hopefully once we find out what is happening with my husbands job (he is being promoted and his roster is changing) I will be able to make a firm decision as to what I can and want to do.

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  5. I hear what you are saying. I've just returned to a bit of part time work and I'm finding it hard to juggle everything... sleep is usually what suffers the most. I hope that your employer becomes a bit more flexible so you can make it work for your family.

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  6. It's REALLY hard, isn't it? My job is so demanding and stressful at times, but its major plus is the complete flexibility that allows me to be both mother and employee. Good luck!

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  7. It's hard hey! Before Hannah came along, I worked full time as a projects administrator for a major projects & engineering team in the gas industry. The work was full on, but rewarding... but I hated having to drop Emily off to before school care at 6.30am and not being able to pick her up until 5pm. It made for long days! When we decided to have Hannah, we made the choice for me to stay at home full time, because it's something we believe in, I can't stand the thought of someone else caring for my baby all day long. It's a struggle financially now, but we make do.
    I hope you can find a nice balance that suits you x

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  8. I'd love to be a 50's housewife!! However I am not organised, my cooking recipes are average and I have no idea how to do my hair so perfectly instead of just putting it up in a ponytail.

    I understand your dilemma for going back to work. My mum was home most of my school life. When she did work she worked til she could pick me up from school. I hope to do that with my children, however the issue with that is where to work.

    I hope you come to a good arrangement with your job.
    Seeing your children at their special events is definitely something no parent should miss.

    #teamIBOT

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  9. Big hugs. I can see in your words that this is really breaking your heart. I think this is what happens when we are the best Mum's we can be, we feel guilty. The only thing I can say is to do what is right for you, your family & your financial situation. I am lucky enough to get to stay home for my girls but the flip side is that my husband works as an interstate truck driver & I never get to see him (neither do the girls). There are pro's & con's to all stituations. I hope you can sort something out soon. Big Hugs <3

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  10. So hard. I work part time, too and it really is about trying to find that balance. I wish I could conjure up a "balance fairy" to wave her wand and create my work-life balance! I, too, would not say no to being a 50's Housewife, sometimes (if nothing more than to wear 50's fashion...)! Good luck x

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  11. I totally understand where you are coming from. I went through this when my kids were younger and I went back to work. I am kind of glad that I did go back to work at that stage though because they really didn't need "me" as much. Now they are teens and school work is tough and their hormones are crazy I think they are way more demanding of my time and thankfully all that saving etc means that we are not financially dependent on my income. I truly believe that whatever happens you will always be an amazing mother and don't forget it!

    Hugs and best wishes,
    Natasha.

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  12. It is ridiculously hard! Thankfully we are doing ok, so that I don't have to work, but having said that we are renting and won't be able to buy anytime soon, and that is frustrating,
    Hope you can get a good balance soon. It must be an awful decision to have to make. Xxx

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  13. It's such a state of a rock and a hard place.. its hard to survive on one wage and its hard to do it all as well.. I just want to wear the 50s styles clothes aka Mad men, cocktails at 2pm and beautiful manicures.. we'll both keep dreaming huh! :P

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  14. My dream is to be a stay at home mum. It is on my vision board and I am trying to manifest it into fruition :-) my house is in disarray and even though I am sure that it would not be much better if I was at home full time, at least I would have no excuse. I would love to be able to give Master Z my full time attention, but money pays the mortgage, so at this point in time, I am dreaming wonderful dreams!!

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  15. I don't want to be a 50s housewife. I actually want what you were hoping to get - the ability to work around the kids. I want to be able to have something of a career and still be available for my children whenever they need me to be there. I wish all workplaces allowed for this - for both mothers and father. It would require an overhauling of how people think - not only business owners and service providers, but also consumers. We'd all need to be a lot of flexible and community minded and a lot less 'bottom line' or 'I want access between these hours'... Maybe it'll happen one day. Until then, we'll remain boxed into categories such as 1050s mum or working mum...

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  16. I hear you, Amy. It can be hard whichever way you choose to go. I stay home full time and often feel like I "should" be working. It sometimes seems that it is more socially acceptable to be back at work rather than home with the kids.

    I hope you can find the work that will work best for you. {hugs}

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  17. If only more workplaces understood and supported more flexible working arrangements. I am blessed to have a 4 day per week job - love having every Friday off. The other bonus is that it keeps my tax payments down so I probably end up getting much the same amount of money in the hand! I know heaps of people who want my job but sorry, they just can't have it!!!!

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  18. I was lucky prior to going o leave, I was approved to work 3 days on my return. But hubby's job changed. he has said if I don;t want to go back I don;t have to. I want to work, but now he also brought up another idea- study. So now I am looking around. Do I dare give up work and take on Uni? it has been about 16 years since I last wrote an essay do they give grace for thing like that?

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  19. I want to be a 50s housewife too! But, in saying that, I'm blessed with my job. I do work normal hours (8-4:30pm), but it is only 2 days/ week and I never bring work home etc... The extra money and freedom it allows us is nice, but sometimes those other 3 days feel very busy.

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  20. I do, too. I want to do all the things that my mum missed out on with us, but I fear my husband is rubbing his hands and planning on sending me out to full time work the moment our youngest starts school. I am hoping to find a workable solution before that time to supplement us and show him it can work.

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  21. So frustrating for you to have to deal with these negotiations. I've mostly been blessed with a job that fits in around my children, and having been something of a latchkey kid myself I understand how important it is for you to do want to be there for them.

    I hope you do get a resolution that suits you all.

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  22. It is such a juggling act isn't it! I'm lucky I have a great job that I work in 4 days per week. It’s flexible so I can drop Hunter off at school, then come into work. Hunter goes to OSHC twice a week and then between hubby, my Dad and myself we have the rest of the week for school pick ups covered. And for any special events I can take annual leave – haven’t missed anything important yet.
    I couldn’t stay home full time – we would drive each other insane.

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  23. I hope you get what your hoping for Amy. As a SAHM I can say hand on heart its hardly ever an episode of Leave it to Beaver at our place. ASPIRING domestic goddess is what I have written on my blog connection cards! :-)

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