Sunday, January 1, 2012

Issues


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I haven't shared this on my blog before, well I haven't really shared it with anyone except B. Just after Easter this year I had a massive falling out with my Father. I mean a huge falling out. It was actually the night after my brothers house burnt down... I haven't spoken to him since and frankly, I don't feel the need to ever speak to him again. He failed me and well, he failed my brother. His parenting style left me with insecurities and other issues while growing up and that night in May was the breaking point for our relationship. There are things that I am going to leave unsaid here as I know that some people that read my blog know my family and my father.

What I do want to talk about is how my not talking to my father has effected my relationship with my mother. It is strained to say the least. It has never been strained before now. We used to talk daily. The kids used to sleep at their house once a week. We still talk a few times a week, but it is usually in hushed tones or when he isn't home. Whenever she is here visiting it is always a rushed visit as she has to get home... to him. There is this tenseness in the air, an elephant in the room. You see my mother is the queen of pushing things under the carpet.

We haven't spoken about the issues since they happened. I want too, but I feel I will make it worse for her. My grandmother has broached the subject, but only to tell me to think of how it all makes my Mum feel. You see, she has always wanted us to just be a happy family... And well, I can't do that. If I pretend that nothing happened and fake smile and make small talk it would only be detrimental to me and my family. I have to do what is best for us. My kids have no idea that I don't speak to him, they don't seem to have noticed at all. They still see him occasionally, but he was absent on Christmas and on Caden and Ethans' birthdays.

I feel like I have more to say right now, but I have no idea how to say it without offending my family. I suppose writing this though has helped me a bit as I have felt like I was hiding something from this space.

Every family has their issues though, right?

9 comments :

  1. I feel for you. We have a strained relationship with my husband's family. It is hard and so emotionally draining. I hope you will come to peace with it all sooner rather than later xxx (having said that, I'm a long way from that myself)

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  2. Oh families are so damn hard! I have issues with my partners family, and I find it affects me mentally to deal with them so I just don't any more. There are so many things swept under the carpet and just "not talked about" in my own family too, making it really hard for me to deal with them as no one will talk to me about them. I have had many a counsellor insist I "sit down with them and discuss it openly" and it makes me laugh because I seem to be the only one who wants to do anything about it!

    Hugs x

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  3. Christmas brought home a lot of 'issues' with regard to family for me. Something that should be, in theory, a beautiful thing (the family unit), is often the most challenging and draining.

    Hoping you can work things through.

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  4. I do feel for you as well, I don't really have any advice except to say that I've never met a family that have no issues...families are hard work!! It must be hard for you and your mum though xxx hope you can work through it somehow x

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  5. You are so right, every family has issues and it really does hurt. Hope 2012 brings you a feeling of peace.

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  6. Yes, every family has its issues Amy. I have a cousin who I don't really care to speak to. It is a bit of a strain on some of our famly, but they understand. I hope you can work through this in whatever way is best for you. It's a credit to you and your blog that you can share and get support here.

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  7. Yes, all families have issues. Mine are with my dad too, for various reasons. The way I deal with it is to choose my choice-i don't do or say anything I would regret.

    Talking about it or writing helps.

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  8. Amy, I too have issues with a parent - my mum - however I just put up and put up and put up. She lives in FNQ, I live in NSW and we only see each other a few times per year. I have just had her, my parents in law and my brother in law and his wife at my house for 10 days over Christmas and this morning when she left I actually cried... not for missing her, but with relief, and then guilt at the relief I felt. She means well, but seriously is one of the most unreasonable, passive aggressive people I know. I have tried talking to her about some of her behaviours in the past and it backfired on me so now I just suck it up. I don't know the details with your dad but I applaud how brave and strong you are for saying 'enough is enough'. I hope you get some much needed relief through your blogging.

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  9. Thank you so much for all your comments! They mean the world to me.

    Jennunger- Oh sweetie, I just want to give you a hug and say I get it. I totally do. Try to not let the guilt eat at you. I know it is easier said than done. xx

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