What I do want to talk about is how my not talking to my father has effected my relationship with my mother. It is strained to say the least. It has never been strained before now. We used to talk daily. The kids used to sleep at their house once a week. We still talk a few times a week, but it is usually in hushed tones or when he isn't home. Whenever she is here visiting it is always a rushed visit as she has to get home... to him. There is this tenseness in the air, an elephant in the room. You see my mother is the queen of pushing things under the carpet.
We haven't spoken about the issues since they happened. I want too, but I feel I will make it worse for her. My grandmother has broached the subject, but only to tell me to think of how it all makes my Mum feel. You see, she has always wanted us to just be a happy family... And well, I can't do that. If I pretend that nothing happened and fake smile and make small talk it would only be detrimental to me and my family. I have to do what is best for us. My kids have no idea that I don't speak to him, they don't seem to have noticed at all. They still see him occasionally, but he was absent on Christmas and on Caden and Ethans' birthdays.
I feel like I have more to say right now, but I have no idea how to say it without offending my family. I suppose writing this though has helped me a bit as I have felt like I was hiding something from this space.
Every family has their issues though, right?