Monday, April 18, 2011

Post Natal Depression... The good the bad and the ugly

You maybe thinking what is she on about, there is no good when it comes to Post Natal Depression. But I beg to differ, you just have to take a different perspective about things. For me Post Natal Depression has impacted my life and my family in a huge way. It has bought B and Me closer together (the good), but it did test our relationship whilst doing so (the bad), it made me resent my kids and B and times (the bad), but after the darkness went away it made me realise just how lucky I am to have the wonderful little family that I do (the good).

I am coming out the other end at the moment and whilst reflecting on what my last year has been. I realise that I have come out a stronger and better person. The last year has been hard. I have battled with irrational thoughts, meds that just didn't agree with me and people that just didn't understand what I was going through.
The irrational thoughts were unbearable at times and I was close to taking my own life on several occasions (the ugly). It is hard to admit, but I want to so that others know that it is okay to speak out and is nothing to be ashamed of. Mental illness is frowned upon in our society simply because many people are uneducated and ill-informed about the illness. If more people spoke out about it then the community as a whole would benefit.
Organisations such as Beyond Blue, PANDA, the Black Dog institute etc. do such a great job and offering assistance to people suffering through mental illness and their work in the community is invaluable. I am so thankful for the information they distribute as it helped B understand what I was going through when I couldn't put it into words and only tears would come when I tried.

So,  The Good was:
  •  It made B and I so much closer and our relationship stronger
  • I am now a stronger person because of it
  • I now appreciate my life so much more
The Bad:

  • The pressure it did put on my relationship
  • The pressure it put on my kids- seeing their mum crying uncontrollably for no reason wouldn't of been easy on them. 
  • Not being able to care for my kids they way they needed me (Don't worry, B and the grandparents stepped up to fill the void)

The Ugly:

  • Irrational thoughts
  • Wanting to take my own life
Sure the ugly does outweigh the good, but If I thought about that to much it would only send me back into the bad and I a determined never to get there again. I now have the ability to realise when things are getting a bit much for me, or my moods start to slip and I simply ask for help. There is no shame in doing that...

I am posting this because I hope that others see that it is okay to talk about PND/Depression and that it is nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we just have to deal with it and who knows, you may just come out on the other side a better person for it.

I could write a saga about this, but we all know my writing skills suck. So I will leave it there...


  1. Well done for speaking out. I have a young friend with PND and she feels very alone, especially as she is a single mother. She has spoken out at her mothers group but everyone else said they are fine. I'll get her to read your post, I'm sure it will help.
    Well done. Hugs Mel

  2. Hi

    Thank you for your openness and honesty, and for sharing your personal journey with us. There is help & support available - thanks for providing those life-saving resources. Congratulations on discovering your own strength.

  3. It's so true. I once recounted my PND story to my friend and her reaction was "Wow, and you're still alive, and you and your husband are still together!" As much as it is dreadful (and god it's dreadful), but you don't know how strong you are until you're in that situation.

  4. Amy I hear you loud and clear. I battled with pnd last year after the birth of our fifth child and was living in a new Country with no family or friends around to support me. Those days were some of my darkest yet but like you, I can look back now and see just how far not only myself but my family have come. I am a much stronger person for it and encourage anyone battling with depression full stop to open up to someone.
    Good on you for speaking out :)

  5. Well said. Only when we've been down at the rock bottom can we realize how brilliant life is when we're back up again - not the nicest way to find out though.
    The more of us that speak up about it the better xxx

  6. Good on you darling. PND is just dreadful have had the battle myself - severely in fact. You are so right about the good and the bad, that bleak darkness and suicidality is gut wrenching isn't it.
    Sounds like you are really in tune with yourself, be kind to yourself though, it may seem ok at times, but it really takes a good 18months to recover at least. *hugs*

  7. I respect you for sharing all of this.....important to talk through this stuff because you'll find that a LOT of people suffer as well. It is a comfort to read, thank you

  8. Great post Amy - it's so important to think about all of these things. Thanks for sharing.

    Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro. I'm so glad you came out of Lurkdom. :)


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