Tuesday, March 22, 2011

being me... but who am I?

Bare with me here guys. OK? I have been thinking a lot lately about whether I want to return to work full time or not and this has made me question who I am, what I want in life, what I want for my kids... You know all those types of questions! Needless to sat mind is in overdrive and I just keep going round and round in circles. It's getting kind of tiring. I am pretty sure I am not the only one facing these kind if questions, right?

I want to be the one who drops the kids off at school on the morning and to be there to pick them up in the afternoon. I want to be able to tuck them in at night and be there when they wake up in the morning BUT I also want to take them on at least one holiday a year, I want to be able to upgrade our house in a few years as our family grows and needs more space, I want to be able to spoil them on there birthdays and dammit I don't want to have to budget every single day! So if I am to stay at home we won't be going on any holidays, upgrading our house won't happen for at least 10 years and I can't live in this one for that long! It seemed big enough when we built in 2006 but I was only pregnant with Caden then so had no idea just how much space we would actually need! Well the house isn't the bad, but the I would love a bigger backyard! I want to have a decent vegie garden, I want chooks, hell I would LOVE room for a pool! I guess I am sounding like a spoilt brat right now! That kid in a candy store the NEEDS that big pretty lollipop like 5 minutes ago Mum! sigh

B would love to upgrade his car. His is still driving around in his first ever car that his parents bought him back in 2002. It was 5 years old then (yep he was a spoilt kid, got a $15,000 car off his olds when he got his license!) We just can't afford him getting a new (second hand) car whilst I am not working. Argh I am so torn. I want to be a stay at home mum, but I want to be earning to help provide for our family!

I warned you that this would be all over the shop!

I only got half way through this post last week and am just coming off working two full days at work with early starts. Lets just say I DON'T want to work anymore. I am so buggered when I get home which means my patience are shortened and I just don't have the energy to be the mum I want to be! Plus work is oh so sucky at the moment, but I am not going there on this blog!

Would it be really bad if I was 'just' a stay at home mum for the next 5-10 years? Ethan would be in primary school by then...  I don't know why I wrote 'just' then. I guess that is what a lot of society thinks of stay at home... I despise the term 'homeduties'. I mean what is that really?

I am just going to his publish no or this is going to sound even more disjointed as I go! See I told you my head is all over the place about this!

1 comment :

  1. It's such a hard decision. I went back to just part time work and found that the amount of effort it took to get myself and ONE baby ready to be looked after was so stressful that it wasn't worth it. I only do freelance work now so it's not regular. Money is tight but I'm less stressed and therefore not needing to spend money on therapy! That's gotta be a good thing, right!

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